THIS IS NOT A DATE: EPISODE III (IN & OUT)
"I don't want you to see that boy when you go". Famous last words of my very good friend when I gave her details of Micheal and I's fight. See, at this point it has been 4 months of constant texting, daily calls and contact. So when the big fight happened, I went into my "out" mode.
In all things relationship, humans tend to put in our all. Even in cases when we promise not to, it is just natural that you let loose when you get comfortable with someone. Suddenly, you copy their grammar. They learn your cuss words and soon enough, you may even start thinking alike. It is almost impossible to not be vulnerable in relationships. Either that or keep a friends with benefit situation. I am over that phase. I want a partner. But I have one foot out at all times, ready to jump ship if it starts sinking. Ain't nobody got time to waste.
Prior to meeting Micheal, I had plans to visit home. It is always on my beginning of the year to-do list: Do the 10 hour flight to my father's land. It is home for me and I hadn't been in 2 years. So that coupled with the possibility of meeting this mystery man, I was excited until the fight happened. I realized that this person had a temper and was petty as fuck. Ex-girlfriend petty. Baby mama petty. I finally found a trait I did not like about him so I called the entire thing off. I was over the pettiness anyway.
Fast forward, I was home. And I had his items that had to be delivered. I had a whole bag of items and gifts to be disbursed that day. And somewhere in my mind, I thought it would be a good idea to give his stuff to him at night, the last one. So yeah, not my smartest decision. But I saw him. After 4 months of virtual dating and a break up, I finally saw him.
Now, he is tall. And huge. Mostly tall. The kind of height that scares you a bit. At least it scared my 5 ft. 7inches, size 14 frame. I felt like a school girl and yes, I had to look up to see him. The thing about dating people over the internet is, no matter how many video calls you have, it never captures the essence of the person till you are neck-in-neck with them. On a normal day, if he had approached me on a pedestrian walkway, I would have ran. Honestly, truly. He had the stereotypical African man frame. The Dembe (in The Blacklist) frame. Exactly like Micheal Power, the tall dark character in Guinness ads in my childhood. I am not a fan of that structure .
Research has shown that a lot of women prefer men with "dad bods". Men with a daddy body NOTa "Zaddy" Body. Got it? A bit of a gut, casual style, well groomed and just looks like he goes to work in a power suit & tie. There is something comforting about that image of a man. Something secure. Sure, he can't run 3 miles without panting like a pregnant fish but neither can I. But not Micheal. He looked like he benches 375lbs for a living. So I invited him inside... the house.
I could almost see my friend Danielle's face in my mind's eye, "I don't want you seeing that boy!".Too late, Danielle. Too fucking late. Both of my friends who saw him went a bit crazy. "He seems really nice, He looks so cool, blah, blah". Yes girls, I can see him but I don't think I'm ready to jump. We had a big fight, remember? But no, he did not remember or pretended to forget because we talked and talked and ate food sitting on the floor and made out. And he apologized for being an ass. And I was too sprung at this point to even make coherent sentences. And he left.
Over the next few days, we saw each other every other day. And we talked. And I thought, maybe the fights are in the past. Maybe he saw me and liked me. Maybe I should give him a chance. It's been 2 years since I even came close to smelling like a man's cologne so what is the worst that could happen? Apparently, a lot!
One day, Micheal came over and he fell silent. He wasn't saying much and I was pushing him to make a conversation. I wanted to party a bit (in my on non-drinking kind of way) and I wanted him to be a willing participant but he was not with me. And finally, I figured it had to do with work and money. Men have a really hard time when it comes to admitting a low cash flow or issues they may have. Not when it comes to sports. They can easily lose their minds when it comes to Manchester United maintaining their 6th position on the premier league but when it comes to talking about their feelings about other stuff, they shut down. Annoying AF.
So he left and my friend, who is all too observant said, "THAT BOY HAS A GIRLFRIEND SOMEWHERE". And then she left. Wait, did she know something I didn't or the whole "I'm down because of work" act was a new game men had developed in the 2 years I had been out of the game? How was she so sure? How are you going to drop such a bombshell and just casually walk away? Why would he bother with me if he did? Is he down because he was having issues with mystery girlfriend? Is that who he txts constantly? Why would he continually ask me to be his when he had someone? My naivety was showing and that night, I had to have a mirror conversation dubbed, "GIRL, YOU IS DUMB". For real.
So for a few days, I watched him. Just a little closer. I even picked up his phone and pretended to look through and yes, he lost his mind. He gave me the whole "You don't look through someone's phone. Don't you trust me?" speech and I knew I had been played. I also noticed that I was the initiator of everything. Calls, txts and all our conversations. He hadn't even expressed any interest in hanging out or taking it outside the walls of the house. You would think all the sexting would lead to a "Can I spend the night" request. Thank God for nosy friends. Hold up, am I a side chick? A side what? What the hell is going on here, beloved?
Micheal came over at my request to hang out and he was not in the mood to do anything. He just did not want to be bothered and whoever it was that he keeps texting all the time seemed to be in a jolly mood because the texts just kept coming. And I asked him what he wanted to do and he barely heard it. So I told Micheal, my dear Facebook date to take a long hike into oblivion and get the fuck out of the house. I was livid. At myself mostly because the only reason why I had stayed for two years by myself was because of THIS. The games, the lies, the time wasters and here I was dead center of it, A-FUCKING-GAIN. He jumped up so fast and literally bolted for the door. Man, he really wanted an out. And it had to come from me. So I am sure he was as happy as the devil to be finally free. No more 11:28 pm calls. How hard he must have inhaled when he stepped out.
And that's how Micheal died. JOKES. But that's how that ended. I do thank him for showing me that I am not frigid or wound up too tight. That I am capable of being vulnerable and lied to. That whatever scares me about dating WILL HAPPEN. The most important thing was enjoying the time I had with whoever it was at the time and letting it go when it no longer suits my needs. I have thought about him exactly one time in 2 months and that's because I had to recall our time together for this piece.
***HOPE YOU ENJOYED LAUGHING AT MY PAIN. I LOVED WRITING THIS SERIES SO MUCH THAT I THINK I'LL MAKE IT A PERMANENT ON THIS BLOG. I HAVE STORIES FOR DAYS***
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