FRIEND: GHANA GIRLS LIKE MONEY. ME: WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
Today, we are discussing a topic that I am very tired of talking about. BUT let's talk about it anyway.
A lot of Ghanaian men have a thing for calling young Ghanaian women out of their names. Gold digger, "High time" girls, Ashawo, Shashee, you name it. These names are reserved for girls and women who prefer to date or associate with men who may have financial resources and/or a perceived higher social class. All people need to see is a girl who likes to take care of herself, own a business, travels a bit, has a nice new model phone, wears too many nice clothes, loves shoes, breathes, drinks or is simply set about what she wants and she falls right in the category. Yup, such low requirements to join the club.
What prompted this conversation?
A friend of mine who lives in Europe (also a Ghanaian) took a vacation to Accra recently. He called me and was complaining about regular things Ghanaians like to complain about: the economy, the prices of goods, inflation, dumsor, the sun, the moon, water (we just love to complain, don't we?). He proceeded to describe how Ghanaian girls are so "money-hungry these days" that he is "genuinely" concerned about the future. My nosy self said, "EXPLAIN!".
From what I gathered from his rather lengthy story is, he went looking for a "vacation girlfriend" and all the girls he met seem to be only interested in money. He referred to the girls as money hungry and gold diggers. The funny thing is, my friend does not have bronze to mine not to talk of gold. He barely has cubic zirconia. He just lives in Europe. He is far from been comfortable or well-off.
Here is my thing:
NUMBER 1: Why is it okay for men to go looking for sex or "easy prey" but open their moral box when the other party asks for money or a favor in return? If you had a moral compass, why did it point you in the way of seeking "immoral" pleasure during a short stay? Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
NUMBER 2: What is wrong with a girl wanting to be in a relationship with a man who has resources? Why does that make her a whore, automatically? Or a gold digger? What is wrong with wanting better in life? Why do Ghanaians romanticize poverty? What is so attractive about being broke with no hope yet want to be married to another person in the same situation ? I don't get it .
NUMBER 3: Isn't that what men want in our society? For women to look up to them for protection and provision? Here is a breakdown. Women in the Ghanaian(and the African continent) society are not afforded the same rights as men. Even when we go through the same education system , we have to struggle to get ahead in the patriarchal system we live in. Hiring managers are fond of demanding sexual favors from young female graduates in exchange for jobs. You have a top CEO in Ghana openly admitting to not hiring beautiful women with a high GPA because he has suspicions about the authenticity of our grades. Our sexuality then, becomes a currency. Where is the equal opportunity to succeed? Women have been backed into a tight corner and what that breeds is using your femininity and/or beauty to get ahead whenever the chance presents itself. The only card we have left to play.
When two secondary school students engage in sexual encounters, it is the female who gets publicly shamed and ousted. The male goes on to study and live life whiles the female has to consider leaving school completely(I have seen this happen) or walk around with a brand on her forehead for daring to explore her sexuality. God forbid a teenage girl gets pregnant. Her entire school life comes to a halt. Society looks away as the future livelihood of girls are taken away and we blame them for wanting to attach themselves to a man who may have resources? The same men we treated as a god over her?
Isn't that what Ghanaian men want? Even for women who have defied the odds and rose to the very top of their fields, they still find themselves being likened to prostitutes. If a woman is a business mogul, in the average Ghanaian mind it must be her "millionaire boyfriend or husband" who helped her get to where she is. Or perhaps she slept with the top guy to rise to her current job. Want proof? See Ms. Charlotte Osei's ordeal with Ken Agyapong when she first took office. You know good and damn well a lot of African men DO NOT want independent women. They want you to latch unto them and ask them for everything in order to "assert" their manliness . No matter how educated our Ghanaian men are, they still hold on to the section of patriarchy which tells them, hey you are "the head". Being the head comes with responsibilities so why are our men complaining ?
Now I will not pretend and act like I do not know that some girls are users. Some women that have crossed my path in life really believe in being cared for in every way by a man. And they do use these men as their personal banks and ATMs. I know a lot of girls have "hustles". To a very large extent, it is prostitution. For some women, the only quality a man must have is a fat bank account and the ability to make more money to replenish the moneybag. Perhaps they grew up in households where their mothers looked up to their fathers for everyone's needs or they just don't believe in independence.
However, they exist because there is a DEMAND for what they offer. These same men who complain about Ghanaian girls being "sikadicious" provide the sika. I am not here to justify anyone's lifestyle because I have not lived it. Compared to the average Ghanaian, I am very privileged. I have always had my parents and pretty much went to private schools all my life so I will not be a moral judge. Some women have been hit with the triple whammy: BORN POOR, LITTLE TO NO EDUCATION AND LIVE IN A PARTIACHAL SOCIETY.
Want Ghanaian girls to stop asking you for money?
Here is what you do.
- Lead the charge by treating the women in your life as equals and humans worth respecting.
- When you are in a position of power, spread the opportunity equally among the genders.
- Stop referring to your little teenage cousin who got pregnant as "born one". Advise her to go back to school and get that degree.
- Find and date a girl who is truly independent and will match you in every way and yes, it includes being her own person and saying what she wants.
- Stop looking for "easy prey" and "vacation girlfriends". It's a service and you have to pay some compensation for time and acts rendered.
- If you come across a hustler, let her know that you are not in the business of solving the economic crisis of individuals.
- Stop fronting and acting like you got it when you don't. The presence of sugar attracts ants.
- Play by your size.
- Let people enjoy things. Face your front.
Me and my big mouth are done....for now.
Until next time, let me know your thoughts below.